Appreciation of Self
Listen: 6-min read
Summary: What would it take to genuinely appreciate your talents, qualities, and personality traits that make you uniquely you?
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You may know this exercise - writing a list of the things you don't like and then what you like about yourself. So let's do it again to see how far you've come.
What do you not like about yourself? Yes, it's generally easy to come up with a long list of answers to this question. We are trained to look for what needs fixing, what's less than optimal. Many of us have a relentless inner critic that keeps us in check, and we look for other people's validation to feel good enough.
I guess the list will be much shorter when you write down what you appreciate about yourself. I get excited when I work with teenagers who happily start filling in that column of the list with an equal number of traits or even more than the ones they don't appreciate. But unfortunately, most adults struggle and find it hard to add even five or more positive characteristics to their list.
Isn't that sad? We are with ourselves 24/7, 7 days a week, 30 days a month, 365 days a year, year in, year out, and we find it challenging to jot down more than a few aspects that we appreciate about us.
How much time do you want to spend with people you don't appreciate and want to hang out with? Most likely, only a bit of time if you can. And yet, the one person you spend the most time with, yourself, you look down upon, think less of, look for, and find faults in and have lots of negative things to say about.
Imagine that each negative thought and belief, every doubt, depreciation, belittling, or judgment, would be a weed taking root within your inner garden of Self. It only takes a little effort to envision this garden being so overgrown that precious flowers won't have enough light and fertile ground to thrive and show their beauty.
To appreciate the colors and the beauty of your precious plants and flowers, you will need to spend time and effort weeding out your inner garden. Rather than spending time and energy on what you aren't doing well, or aren't good at, make the conscious decision to start appreciating and respecting yourself for the journey you are on and how far you got to this moment.
Appreciating ourselves is something many of us struggle with. We feel uncomfortable receiving praise and would rather disappear than receive a compliment. Feeling good about ourselves may come across as arrogant, vain, and too confident, and we may risk envy or depreciative comments from others. We may also fear not living up to expectations and instead choose to downplay our abilities. And while it's unhealthy and counterproductive to consider ourselves without flaws, the same is true for believing that there is nothing good about us and we are just one big heap of junk.
You would point out the positive traits of a friend when they question themselves too harshly. It's normal for you to see the goodness in your friend and the aspects that aren't so great. Depending on the importance of the relationship, you choose to focus on the positive. And you will work on yourself to be more equanimous towards their weaknesses.
What would it take to connect with yourself in the same way? How about genuinely appreciating your talents, qualities, and personality traits that make you uniquely you?
As Thich Nhat Han said, "You are a wonderful manifestation. The whole universe has come together to make your existence possible." Your existence is all of you. And so rather than berating yourself for opportunities missed, or judging yourself harshly for perceived failures, step back, put your arms around yourself and appreciate yourself for everything you are.
I would like to close today's musing with a quote from Dr. Seuss
"Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!"
I look forward to being here again with you next Thursday.
Until then, take good care.