Emotions as Compass towards Needs
Listen: 6-min read
Summary: By identifying complex emotions, you not only empower yourself but also create more space within to empathize with others. This then leads to deeper connections and healthier relationships with yourself and other people.
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Imagine two people on the bus, and for some reason, they both miss getting off the bus at the right time.
Objectively they have the same dilemma - they missed getting off the bus at the correct bus stop.
Subjectively it means different things for each individual, based on their circumstances, so they will also experience other emotions.
Let's say one of them is late for an interview; this person may feel nervous, anxious, annoyed, rushed, irritated, or ashamed.
On the way home from work, the second one decides to take it as a sign to continue a few stops further to enjoy a spontaneous foot reflex massage. Again, he might feel amused by how things unfold, happy, thankful, inspired, in the flow.
These are, of course, only a few guesses of how they may feel. Depending on the person, their circumstances, and their personality, others may feel completely different in the situation described above.
And we don't feel the same way every day. For example, the second person, who decided to go for the foot reflex massage, could feel annoyed if he had a bad day at work, and missing the bus stop now means he will take longer to get home.
So just by being in a different mood because of how the day went, the emotions and feelings around missing getting off the bus can be different, too.
Why would that be so?
Because his needs are different this time: Having had a bad day at work, all he wants is to get home quickly, close the door behind him, have a shower, and be on his own versus the need for lightness, change, and fun.
So, emotions and feelings can be like messages from parts within that are connected to the external experience. They highlight our met and unmet needs.
When our needs are met, we feel alive, confident, happy, delighted, satisfied, energetic, loving, etc.
When our needs aren't met, we feel angry, sad, stressed, disconnected, lonely, etc.
Therefore, learning to become aware of and relate to our emotions is essential. Being present to them helps us better understand what parts of us want or do not want and what needs we have and then act accordingly. When we are more connected with ourselves, we also do not give power away to others so easily.
Being more aware of our emotions and being able to describe a more extensive range of feelings helps us be more empathic with ourselves and others.
Depending on how we were brought up, we may have learned that it's not ok to express emotions or, even worse, best not to have any. 'Boys don't cry, don't be weak, there is nothing to be afraid of, and grow up, are just some of the phrases that we may have heard as children, and so we learned to detach ourselves from our inner emotional riches, finding it hard to describe what we feel within.
Consequently, we lose touch with ourselves; we can't relate to others with empathy and miss out on establishing deep and meaningful relationships.
The more open we are to our emotional landscape, the more at ease we are at exploring it, the easier it is to acknowledge what is alive in us at any given moment and stay connected with the experience. But, equally, we can extend that openness and empathy to others, their emotions and feelings, and be open to looking beyond the feelings to understand their needs. That way, we create a connection, and the other person will feel seen, heard, and understood much deeper. And that's what we all desire.
Thank you for joining me today.
I'll be back next Thursday with another musing.
Until then, take good care.