Life Throws Curveballs - Finding Focus When Your World Shifts
Your best laid-out plan went awry. Now what?
Life has its own ideas, often throwing us curve balls when we least expect it. Suddenly, our envisioned path is blocked or leads off into an unfamiliar direction beyond our control. What do we do when the changes we worked for don't pan out? Or when our well-meaning decisions lead to disappointing results?
People often wonder: What do we do when our diligent efforts fail to produce the anticipated changes in relationships, careers, or health?
"I did everything 'right,' so why didn't it work out?". "Now what?"
The instinct to compare our hopes with reality is natural. Yet resisting what is serves little purpose beyond resulting in stress and exacerbating feelings of confusion and resentment. As the old saying goes, "When the wind of change blows, some build shelters, while others build windmills." The willingness to harness the winds of change that shake up our life empowers us to build windmills, using their energy to steer us toward new destinations. We do this by understanding life on its terms rather than resisting reality as it unfolds.
Cultivating Equanimity in the Storm
Equanimity means maintaining composure and clarity of mind amid difficult emotions or external uncertainty. Developing poise takes time; yet it serves us profoundly when weathering unforeseen storms.
Imagine you are sailing smoothly towards your anchoring place for the night when dark clouds appear on the horizon. The heavy winds pick up, pulling you into unknown territory. At that moment, wishing that the storm wouldn't exist or cursing the weather gods is unlikely to improve the situation. Nor does it help to dwell on the idyllic trip you had planned.
It is most constructive to accept the new conditions and respond appropriately. In this case, redirect the boat toward a safe landing, which may not be the original place. The experienced sailor uses the winds that lead them astray to chart a revised route ahead.
Navigating unforeseen events in life requires openness, acceptance, reflection, courage, and patience. We flow with life when we commit fully to the here and now rather than yearning for there and then.
The more flexible we are in responding to change, the easier it is to shift course and spot opportunities that might otherwise have been obscured by our resistance.
Reassessing Plans Amid Transition
We sometimes encounter game-changing transitions that mess with our expectations. Rather than growing bitter or discouraged, we can practice self-acceptance exactly where we stand, disappointment included. Life's timing can feel frustrating and inconvenient. Accepting life as it presents itself allows us to adjust course when needed.
This reset begins by asking honest yet compassionate questions:
What core intentions guided your plans, and given the new circumstances, which still resonate?
How willing are you to release what no longer serves you to create space for alternative routes?
What first steps intuitively align right now even though longer-term priorities aren't yet clear?
What practical resources or support would assist you through this transition?
Looking Inward for Answers
In times of disruptive change, I often recommend Focusing to my clients as it can unravel assumptions, make space for fresh perspectives, and realign us with our inner compass.
Focusing: Befriending Our Inner Struggles
Developed by psychologist Eugene Gendlin, Focusing teaches compassionate self-listening to access our body's innate wisdom. When difficult emotions arise, we're encouraged to pause and gently turn toward what Focusing calls "felt senses" - the subtle physical sensations connected to inner turmoil.
Imagine resentment as a knot in your stomach and worry as tension in your shoulders. By attending kindly to these places without judging them as "good" or "bad," harsh inner voices soften and insights beneath the unease emerge intuitively. What unmet needs might underlie the anger? What false stories fuel anxiety? Insights surface organically, followed by a felt "shift" - a release of tension signalling alignment within the whole being.
As reactive habits ease their hold, we may notice new possibilities rising through the cracks. With patience, we can build a bridge between the old and the new.
Accepting Life's Ebb and Flow
Impermanence is woven into life's fabric. The wheel of life l keeps spinning, continuously shifting scenes around us. While it's helpful to have anchoring principles to guide us through the ups and downs, being attached to expected outcomes often conflicts with fast-moving reality.
What would it take to flow with changes as they come?
Which supportive resources are available right now that you have overlooked?
How can you modify your course, letting go of expectations, pressure, and unattainable dreams?
What's ahead may look different than what we first envisioned. That's ok - it doesn't mean we failed. It is simply the next phase of our lifelong voyage, taking one step at a time.